Heero's Dream
by Charli1
Summary: Written back in 1998. Heero has a troubling dream and searches for the meaning behind it. 1xR


Christmas Eve A.C. 196

The screen scrolled past with the information about Mariemaia Barton and I study it with my usual intensity, not wanting to miss a single word that it displayed. I hear Duo come in behind me, chattering something about it being Christmas Eve the whole time, even coming to the point of leaning against my chair, draping his arms on the headrest as he studied the data on the monitor. I have sometimes wondered what keeps him so optimistic, even in the midst of a war. But I have no time for his constant talking at the moment. I had thought that the last war was the one to end it all, but it now seemed that I had been wrong. I couldn't sit here and do nothing-I was a soldier and I could do something about the situation. I stood up, turning only to grab my dark blue shirt off the back of the chair, now freed from Duo's weight as he straightened up in response to my actions.

"Are you leaving?" Duo asked, with that perpetual surprised look on his face that shows up whenever I deviate slightly from my normal routine. I halted at the door, debating for a split-second whether to tell him or not. But though I would never admit it out loud, especially to him, Duo was the closest thing I have ever had to a best friend. And you told friends things that were important.

"Relena has been kidnapped," I reply, slinging the shirt over my shoulder as I walk into the hallway. But I don't move fast enough to hear his parting words.

"Well, well, you are in love with her." I almost turn to glare at him, but something stops me and I smile slightly at that, an unguarded moment that no one would ever see. But he's right. Trust Duo to see things that would never had occurred to me before this morning. I seem to be in love with the one young woman who is my opposite, but for whose dream I would gladly fight. Her dreams for peace and her feelings for me are what hold me here, watching over her. 

Then the memory of the dream that I had this morning slips across my mind and I walk faster, trying to escape, knowing it useless.

__

Relena walks forward to where I am sitting on a bench in the Sanc Kingdom, the wind making her skirt billow gently around her legs. An uncertain smile is on her face, unsure of my reaction. I try to ignore her, perusing my book, but I knew that she would appear.

"May I join you, Heero?"_ I shrug. _"It's your kingdom."_ Not exactly the best reply I could ever say, but I have to uphold my reputation of being a person of few words. She sits down, and this time her outfit changes to the one she was wearing when I first saw her, a white high-necked jacket and lavender skirt. She smiles at me and I turn away before I'm lost in those bright blue eyes._

"How have you been? Is everything all right with you?"_ That is so typical of her, concerned about others before thinking of herself. Maybe that's why I took it upon myself to protect her. _

"I'm fine. Things are peaceful right now, the way you like them." _I wonder why she keeps changing clothes, since she is now wearing her school uniform. She brushes back her bangs with one hand, eyes turned towards the sky. Then she turns to me again and cocks her head to one side, leaning towards me._

"Did I ever thank you for your gift? It was very sweet of you. Thank you," _she whispers and I can't turn away this time. She places a hand on mine, closing the book I had forgotten about. Her touch is warm and I don't want it to end. She leans close and I can feel her breath against my skin as she brushes a gentle kiss against my cheek. I touch where she kissed me and look at her._

Now she's wearing the gown the Romefeller Foundation had given her and she's down there on the stage. I have my gun pointed at her and she looks up at me, the same as before. I could pull the trigger and end her suffering. But I can't-seeing those eyes fixed on mine without fear makes me tremble. She isn't afraid to die, isn't afraid of me. Never was. Even when I threatened her with Wing's shield, she never flinched. I think that was when I first started to realize that she meant something to me. And now, like before, I can't kill her. 

"Do you know that when you came into my life, you turned it completely upside down_?" She asks, wearing now the formal dress she used for state functions in the Sanc Kingdom, the long jacket spread about her. I shake my head, sure now that I am dreaming, but wondering now why I'm dreaming of her again. Once, the vision of her face brought me back to coherence. But a hallucination of her being killed had also once made me lose my grip on my sanity under the influence of the ZERO System and turned me into a killer with no thoughts of remorse. But she never knew. No one would ever know, but I have the feeling that Quatre saw something once, though he has never spoken to me about it._

"No, I didn't know. I'm sorry_." I say, though I have never said I was sorry before to anyone. But to her it seems natural, right. She would never hold it over my head like the other pilot's would- especially Duo._

"Do you think that any of this would have come about if you had killed me, like you promised?" _I shake my head. She grins, now wearing her blue party dress, the dress she tore into bandages to bind my wounds after Duo had shot me twice. Her face is concerned and I remember how dumbfounded I was to have someone like her worried about me, especially after I just held a gun to her face. She stands now, holding out her hand. _

"Would you like to dance, sir_?" I can't refuse and join her, holding her close. I had held her once before like this, at a school function. She had made me dance with her then, also. But this time I enjoy it, a smile starting to curl my mouth before I realize it. She looks at me in wonder and I know that she's only seen this look on my face once before, back in space when I told her that I was fighting for her. She says my name softly and I pull her closer._

I know that this is a dream and open my mouth to tell her how I feel, but there is the sound of thunder and I look up at the darkening sky. Relena is pulled from my embrace, a look of fear crossing her face as she reaches a hand to me in supplication. I want to chase away that look but I can't seem to move, frozen in place. A dark mist rises between us and I watch, helplessly, as a giant metal hand takes her into its grasp. I look up and see a design of mobile suit I have seen only in diagrams. It's not a Gundam, but still a lethal piece of machinery. I can hear a girl's high-pitched laugh as Relena is taken from me and I see a small girl standing where Relena was moments ago-a girl with bright red hair and pale blue eyes, eyes that were too old for her years.

That's when I woke up, Relena's name on my lips, with my hands reaching out to keep her here with me. I had never questioned the unspoken bond that existed between us that was forged the day we met. I was a soldier, trained from childhood to be aware of my surroundings, yet she had come upon me and I never knew she was there until she took off my helmet. Time and again she had been able to approach me and I wouldn't be aware of her until the last moment. So I knew one thing for certain.

She was gone and I had done nothing to keep her safe. I had failed. But the image of that girl was familiar and I had to search for where I had seen it before. So that was where Duo had found me, searching through the latest intelligence reports. All I knew was that I had to find her and get her to safety. 

I keep walking down the hallway towards the shuttle bay, knowing that Duo will catch up in a minute. This is another mission, though not an official one, and he wouldn't miss it for the world. I am glad to have him along, but the mask that I have worn for so long slides back into place with the finality of a closing coffin lid. Duo may call himself Shinigami, but he and I both know better. 

I am Death. 

The Angel of Death.

Death in the guise of an angel, with wings of metal.

And heaven help any that get between Relena and me. 


End file.
